Baycrest

10 • BrainMatters • Spring/Summer 2022 Maybe you see yourself in it now, or you experienced it already or you are a couple of years away from heading down the same path. Just know that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Find help along the way and understand that you can't do everything yourself. Lisa Raitt Bruce needed overnight care, I wasn't sleeping and it was beginning to catch up with me. We had four LHIN-provided caregivers come through in succession [but] they never returned a second night. At Christmas 2020, he shoved and threatened his caregiver, he threw a punch at me… and he tried to kick our family pet Ruby. We made it to New Year's Eve and had a wonderful evening with our neighbours around a fire. He was quiet but he was there. On January 1, 2021, Bruce tried to put me through a window in our house. Billy came to intervene and I called 911. Bruce has been in the hospital ever since. From January to September 2021, the wonderful staff at Baycrest Hospital's Behavioural Neurology Unit helped wean Bruce from his cocktail of meds and then supported him with new care protocols. He had been glazed eyed and incoherent and then he became alert, recognized me and could say "I love you." He had been resisting showers and having his blood taken but the hallucinations, delusions and physical violence were now gone. He took part in dancing and played a little putting game with me. Then, Bruce started to slip again. He would mutter to himself and curse. He kicked chairs and just seemed so angry. He sobbed when he saw me and couldn't control his emotions. It was heartbreaking. I hate this disease with a passion. Just when you think you are on a flat path and have some hope of good days, Alzheimer's comes back with a vengeance, to remind you that you have zero control. I know all is not lost. I know his doctor says this is about finding what works for Bruce and we will continue to work on it. But I'm so, so tired of battling this beast. In the hall at Baycrest, I passed a woman who was wheeling a man in a chair and I guessed that it was her husband and that he also had Alzheimer's. As she went by she said: "I read your posts and they have helped me." I don't know whether my story helps. Maybe you see yourself in it now, or you experienced it already or you are a couple of years away from heading down the same path. Just know that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Find help along the way and understand that you can't do everything yourself. With the bad comes the good. I love my Bruce dearly and every moment I have with him is a blessing. For maybe 20 minutes a visit, two times a week he is "there" with me. And that's what keeps me going. Photo of Lisa Raitt with her husband, Bruce Wood, from a Facebook post by Lisa in December 2017.

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