Baycrest

Adult sons and daughters differ on dementia care responsibilities B aycrest Occupational Therapist and caregiving expert Nira Rittenberg writes a bi-weekly advice column in the Toronto Star. Here she tackles an important question from a reader related to gender role myths and realities between siblings who care for parents with dementia. Q : My brother helps my 83-year-old mom out. She has dementia. He is a good guy, but he is driving me crazy, as he thinks certain jobs are his and others are the "daughter's job." I am fed up with this thinking! Signed, Sister of Sexist Dear Sister of Sexist, You have hit on a topic, which is dear to my heart through my research and clinical experience with families. This area is a fairly new frontier in the study of dementia care. We are just starting to understand how adult daughters and sons determine caregiving responsibilities for a parent with dementia. Many past studies did not include male participants and some looked at the role of men in more stereotypical tasks, like house maintenance or financial management. We do know there are gender differences in family caregiving tasks, and there is some thought that culture, past family connections and expectations affect these caregiving roles. We also know sons are helping their parents, but we don't yet fully understand how and why they perform certain tasks. In my practice and research, we noted that sons perform more of a "care manager" role, carrying out management and practical supports rather than personal care or emotional supports, which were done by females more often. The males also tended to do more "task- based" roles and often set clearer boundaries around their time than women. Many males liked to manage care, feeling it utilized their job skills. Others liked to use technology, set up supports, and get things done in that manner. Some of these trends may be reflected in what you are seeing and hearing from your brother. I often see adult daughters doing more caregiving and suffering higher rates of burnout as a result. Many women feel more guilt if they do not conform to traditional roles. The men want to do their share, but not in the same style of care. Both care methods can be invaluable, and if negotiated well, can work in your mother's best interest. It is critical that you work this out with your brother so these frustrations don't fester. The earlier you find an agreeable plan in this partnership the better for all, as caring for dementia has no easy solutions. A social worker skilled in family relations and dementia can help. Reach out to your family doctor or hospital geriatric team. Acknowledging the strength and value of your brother's role is key; and understanding that a son's experiences as caregiver are going to be different than your experience, is the first step. Your mom needs you both on this journey and you need each other. This story first appeared in the Toronto Star on Feb. 29, 2016. Nira Rittenberg is an occupational therapist who specializes in geriatrics and dementia care at Baycrest. If you are part of a brother/sister caregiving tandem and want to take part in new research on the subject, you can help by contributing to the topic being studied by the University of Toronto Occupational Therapy department. The study is titled: "Brothers and Sisters Caring for a Parent with Dementia." To participate in the study, call 416-978-5694 or for more caregiving information visit: baycrest.org/brainmatters Nira Rittenberg BrainMatters SPRING 2016 3

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